It’s been six years. It is 2 P.M. and it is raining.
I leave you in this letter all my love and I thank you because you helped me, because you understood me.
“ Excuse me if I ever , without wanting it, I hurt you. I know that someday you will understand me. I hope you will be happy… It is 2 P.M. and it is raining the same like that time, maybe that’s why is so hard for me to say you goodbye!” I didn’t know if I was doing okay to leave, I just knew I had to be alone. But my soul remained there next to him. And if only he would have come with me and didn’t let me go , probably things would have been different. When I got out from the building it was raining, I stopped on the edge of the stairs. And I saw Andrei. He was waiting for me with an umbrella. “Are you happy now?” He asked. “What do you want?” “A chance!” He said by taking me under the umbrella. I followed him, being a slave of his brute force. Why? Because he was there when I was feeling pretty vulnerable. I stayed at him. And his force surprised me. The ambition with everyday he was trying to court me. The ambition that he was having in life in general, the tenacity of him to fight any problem, the stubbornness of being the best and win all the time. There were things that I didn’t see at Cosmin. And step by step he conquered me. I liked to see him everytime doing anything that I wanted. It was enough to say that I want something or to wonder about something and he would get that thing for me. He was overwhelming me with care and gifts. Without realizing it I fell in love with him. And the first time when I said “I love you” he brought me flowers daily for a week. Many times when he was arriving home he was taking me up in his arms, he was kissing me with passion and he was not stopping until he had me there where he was finding me. But my love for him was never as strong as the one that I felt for Cosmin. I was caring about him, but it wasn’t enough to see myself with him forever. I don’t know if he was aware of that because he never told me anything about that, but when my thoughts were flying at Cosmin, his way of making love with me was more brutal, wanting to show me that I belong to him, that he is my master. It’s been six years , I don’t know how or when. And every year, on the same day – the day when I was his for the first time – he was asking me when I was going to marry him. And everytime I was answering him “I don’t know!” And my soul couldn’t find peace though. Something was missing. I wasn’t happy. Satisfied yes. But not happy. I had not the courage to say that to his face. I couldn’t even admit that to myself. Until one day… I was alone. He was left for a few days in delegation. How strange everything happened! I listened at the TV a song that I liked. And because I wanted to listen to it again I searched it on the internet. I listened to it again and then I clicked on another song… the song that made me realize it… those lyrics made me cry. It was me, me who had not the courage to tell him that I am not happy with him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then I packed up my things and I left. I left all behind. And once I did that I felt free. I left my things home and I went out in town. I walked the streets for hours and finally, when I was getting tired I headed to the subway. It was the hour when everybody was escaping from work. Same crowd, same sad faces. I was the only one smiling. I knew that I took the right decision. I got in the subway pushed by all the people who wanted to get home from their jobs. I found a bar to lean on. When the subway started I felt my knees melting. Among those people I saw Cosmin. Our eyes met and for a moment I felt that time stopped. My heart was racing in my chest. I thought that I had no more feelings for him… silly me. He vanished among the people. The subway started again making me losing my balance and I felt that I hit someone. I wanted to apologize but when I turned around I saw Cosmin. His arm pushed me near him. I put my head on his chest and I felt him sighing deep. We stayed like that until the station where we were usually going out of the subway, without saying a word. My legs were trembling. We arrived at his home and I took a seat on a chair and he followed me. His hand touched my cheek and I stretched my hand to touch his face too. How much I missed him, I was realizing that in those moments. “You didn’t change at all!” He said. I was feeling an imense urge to have him, to make him mine again. I took off his coat. I was all shaking. I moaned slowly and he took my blouse down. The breasts remain free and naughty, up to his desires. And his lips kissed my neck, right where I like it. The he went down between my breasts. While he was touching a breast, his tongue was playing with the other one. He took my nipple in his mouth and sucked it. I was feeling my pussy on fire, I wanted to feel him inside. He pushed me slowly to the bedroom. He opened up my pants and without taking my panties off he got on top of me. My hands opened up his pants searching desperate for his penis that I felt strong through his pants. I found again the same soft skin, so pleasant to touch. “I want inside you , I want to have you!” He said tenderly. He took off the last clothes that were keeping us from being together. His penis made room into my pussy. I moaned strongly when I felt it inside me. He pushed in me deep with desire. Each of his moves was making me lose my mind. He put my legs on his shoulders and with one of his fingers he touched my clitoris. I moaned louder, it was sensational, it was a long time since I felt that good. His finger was continuing to touch my clitoris. In the moment that I felt his sperm in me and then he took out his penis and the last drops of sperm he lay them on my pussy, rubbing my clitoris with his penis. I had a violent orgasm too, biting my lips. We lay on bed, one next to each other, same as first time. He told me then that he regreted a lot for letting me go, that he didn’t come after me, that he did not even try to talk to me. He told me that Andrei came to him to say that I was with him, that I was happy and I was not in love with Cosmin anymore, that it would be best to forget me, that finally I have someone who needs my love, that he didn’t want to hurt him, but we just fell in love. Why I was not surprised or bothered? I told him that I was not with Andrei anymore, that I left him. He grabbed my waist and pushed me near him. His cheek was touching my hand, and his tears wet my hand. And in those moments I realized that I found what I was missing: him. It was my soul that remained with him when I left him. I was feeling again complete and happy. I was having tears in my eyes. He looked at me and asked: “Why are you crying?” “Tears from happiness!” And I let him wipe my tears. That night I fell asleep in his arms in peace. His finger was continuing to touch my clitoris. I spread my legs making room for him . And the finger slipped deeper into my vagina. I was full of pleasure. That different way of making love with me. The look in his eyes when I was having orgasm it was priceless. His finger was moving slowly, savouring each of my sighs. When I felt the orgasm approaching I squeezed his shoulder strongly, putting my nails into his flesh. He got out his hand between my thighs, it was wet. He licked his finger enjoying my taste. He lay me again on the pillows , being happy and satisfied.